A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother.
She said, "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail."

3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to an orientation in Heaven.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'LOOK! HE'S MOVING!!'"

Q. Why were Adam and Eve the happiest couple that's ever lived?
A. Because they didn't have in-laws!

A doctor enters into a patient's room and informs the patient that he has good news and bad news.

He then asks the patient which news he would like to hear.
The patient responds, "Doctor, give me the good news."
The doctor says, "Well we are gonna name a disease after you."

A man walks in his room after work and is suprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed.
After careful examination he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.
He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there.

'Who the hell are you?' he yells.
The naked guy replies 'I'm the moth inspector'
'Oh yeah! what are you doing naked?'
He looks down and exclaims 'Oh my god! I'm too late!'